Multi-Tasking

Right now I am multi-tasking. I am cooking chicken while writing this blog so hopefully all turns out well!

Recently I've been on a "housewife" stint in other words I have been really into cooking and cleaning and doing stuff that a wife/mother would do. Every time I do those type of activities I like to think about my future. How can you not? I can't wait to be married and have a family and be a mother! To see all of my friends with families and do family things together! Oh how wonderful! The desire is almost unbearable sometimes but alas I know that I must wait patiently for those things. In time God will provide all those things for me according to His will.

One song that has really ministered to my heart is "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I feel that this song relates to my life so much. Especially relationally. Waiting for God to bring me a man to love I have struggled quite a bit. It's always hard to wait for things and sometimes painful too which is why I love this song's lyrics which say, "I'm waiting on You Lord and I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord though it is painful but patiently I will wait... While I'm waiting I will serve You, while I'm waiting I will worship, while I'm waiting I will not faint I'll be running the race even while I wait."

I couldn't sleep one night so I turned on my radio and that is when I first heard this song! I was so amazed with how much it related to my life and how it is true that sometimes God makes us wait for things and even when it is painful we can be hopeful and patient. I especially love the chorus which says that while I'm waiting I will serve You, and worship You because that is exactly what we are called to do. I admit that sometimes when I'm waiting for God to move I don't want to worship Him. My selfish desires get the best of me and I begin to doubt God. I covet what other people have and shamefully curse God in my mind by thinking that what He has given me isn't enough. But simply hearing those lyrics I know that they are true. Even when God doesn't give us what we think we need we need to serve Him and worship Him because He is holy and just and righteous! He deserves  our worship. And our true love for Him and devotion and faith in Him is seen clearly when we are able to worship and serve Him even when we don't get what we want. Even when life is hard. Even when we are faced with trials daily. The Spirit of God gives us the power to do all of these things!



 Lately I have been really interested in doing photography! I have decided to pursue this desire and am currently working on obtaining a camera in order to practice my photography skills. I have made a "pact" (for lack of better word) with myself that I want to start taking lots of pictures of my life to capture events and put them into scrapbooks or simply a photo album! I also hope to post a lot of them on my blog!

I want to photograph couples. Thats what I really want to do! I love looking at couple photos from really good photographers! I just love them! I have so many ideas in my head of poses and I strongly desire to put them to practice and capture the love between two people! First though I need to get my bearings and learn how to use the camera in order to take creative and awesome photographs! Then I will be able to begin my real photographing! One thing that I hope to achieve with my photography is capturing true beauty. Not the photoshop equivalent of beauty but true beauty they way that God sees us.

I am also really excited for this upcoming school year! I believe that it will be a mighty powerful year where God will be glorified and Heaven will be brought down to this earth through the saints! I am going to be getting involved with Real Life (Calvary Chapel Corvallis's college ministry), the Calvary Children's Ministry teaching 5 year-olds, and Cornerstone School of Ministry. I know that God is going to mature me in so many ways and I am really excited to see what He will do!

I must admit that I am a little bit nervous about this year though because I know that God is going to move and that sometimes I will be very timid or nervous or scared to do the things that God will call me to do. No one likes to overcome fears because its scary! That's why we fear them! But I know that fear is not of the Lord so through persistent prayer I know that I will be able to master my fear! I'm also nervous about teaching the 5-year-olds because I have never taught children before! Scary! But one of the things I've been praying about for this upcoming year is that I can know God more and that He can mature me in my faith and grow in me the ability to teach children about Him! I want to be equipped to teach my own kids that, God willing, I will have in the future. That's one of the reasons why I decided to do School of Ministry this year and so I know that God presented the opportunity for me to teach the 5-year-olds this year as an answered prayer to give me practical application and experience teaching young children.

Last night I read 1 John 2:10 "Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble." This verse really caught my eye because first of all it deals with loving one another. It says that whoever loves his brother lives in the light, that he is of God. the part of the verse that really stuck out to me though what the second part that says there is nothing in him to make him stumble. Applying this verse to my life I can totally see the truth of it. This summer I struggled with hatred towards one of my brothers in Christ. Because I was harboring hatred and unforgiveness towards him I was allowing the enemy to enter into my heart and slowly destroy me. Because I was not loving my brother I was creating a stumbling block for myself. I just wanted to speak of that because it was an "ah ha!" moment when once again it was confirmed that my displeasure and discontentment at the beginning of the summer was because of my unforgiveness which also confirms that once I forgave in my heart my spirits were lifted and I experienced an amazing supernatural contentment! Praise God!

Here is a tiny glimpse of what my new room will look like:

I love that it has purple walls! Well only two of the walls are purple the other two are white but it is still going to be awesome! Oh and the carpets are NOT going to be red by the end of the remodeling so it wont look quite as tacky! I love this picture because it is just so random. I dont know if any of the furniture matches one another but its a unique chaos so I took a photo of it!

I guess as a closing comment I just want to mention that tomorrow is my official last full day of work for the summer! Yay! Then on to bigger and better things! hahaha No I have to admit that my job is a good job and I am quite thankful for it but I am not sad to be done with yet another summer of feeding fish! :)

Contentment

Restless and impatient I sit in my room

Loneliness consumes every part of my mood

Searching for something to bring me some peace

Reaching towards people, possessions, and dreams

The beast has taken a hold of my heart

I can feel him ripping and tearing me apart

Bitterness and hatred eat away at my soul

I fall deeper and deeper into the disgusting dark hole

I continue to yearn for what this world holds

Deceived once again I long for control

Pursuing my passions and all my desires

Searching to quench this raging wildfire

No longer free, I return to my chains

I put them back on and forget about grace

Arrogantly I depend on my own strength

My weakness magnified more and more each day

My best effort is nothing, I fall to my knees

I drown in my depression and cry myself to sleep

Realizing finally exactly what I’ve become

A failure, alone, without anyone

As I go through my day I submit to the pain

Desperately seeking even more for my gain

It becomes my lord, my idol, my god

It relentlessly beats me ‘til I’m bloodied and raw

In the mirror I see an unfamiliar face

The image of the beast who’s taken my place

I plead for forgiveness and relief from this pain

Desperate I cry, “Lord, please break these chains”

In the midst of the battle I was fighting alone

My Savior comes forth and takes full control

I bow down to Him and surrender it all

Knowing with Him I will never fall

The prodigal’s found and healed by the Son

The war that was waged is finally won

In the eyes of my Father I’m blameless and clean

Remembered no more is my past disloyalty

 

I strip myself of my selfish desires

And humble myself to be lifted higher

I yearn for heaven to crash down to earth

For a glimpse of the Love that showed me my worth

I turn my heart, my eyes, my hands

To the heavens above where Jesus stands

At the right hand of God who is on the throne

I now know for certain this world is not my home

With foolishness gone I will wait for His call

When my Lord will triumph and reign over all

No longer rebellious I stand for His name

My life to bring Him glory, honor and praise

"I Will Choose to be a Blessing for Life"

I started this blog today. This is more for me than for anyone else. I'm just going to write about the things that God has been doing in my life!

Today I was convicted when I talked to one of the women from Calvary. She was looking for hangers that she could have in order to hang up her clothes at her house. Unfortunately I didn't have any that she could use but afterwards I made a point to go buy her some to give to her on Tuesday morning if she is at morning prayer. The Lord convicted me because I have never been in a situation in life where money is so tight that I can't even afford to buy hangers. I realized that I take so much for granted the luxury of having a stable income from my parents that sustains my family. I found out that I really don't know what a true struggle is. I have been so blessed in life. I know that God hasn't simply blessed me to bless me but rather so that I may bless others.

Right now I need to work on giving away more than keeping. I get so caught up with selfishness sometimes that I forget to see the people around me who are worse off than me and who need help. I have my own struggles believe me! But sometimes the physical struggles with money, food, clothing, housing and other things are much harder than the internal struggles with the mind. That's what I struggle with: Internal conflict.

I've been asking God for vision! Vision for the coming year at Cornerstone. Vision for the future, for my life. Through all the prayer one concept has been ever present. I want to help people and I want to have eyes to see their pain. Supernatural spiritual eyes to see pain that no one else could see if not through the Spirit of God! I want to be able to see past a smiling face and see through the masks that people put up. I want to be able to break down barriers between my brothers and sisters in Christ and I want to see the real struggles that they're going through.

I don't just want to be able to see the struggles but rather I want to be able to act on what I see. I want to be a women who can see someone who is hurting and approach them and talk to them and pray for them! I want to cast aside any fear that I might have of rejection and be able to boldly reach out to people around me! I want to love on people. Someone once told me that love is only half complete and you never experience the fullness of love until you give it away. I want to give ALL my love away. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to explode! Like I have so much love in my heart that if I don't give it away to SOMEONE then my heart will explode and break and it would be a disaster. So I want to selflessly give my self in all that I do, to follow hard after the Lord and to bless people ever chance I get!