One thing that I really felt God impressing upon my heart was Philippians 3:7-11 “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
Friday, October 16th, I felt being called to surrender something to God but somehow I’d gotten to a place where I was not willing to do that. I knew that God was telling me to release it to Him but I couldn’t. My mind knew I needed to release it to God but my heart wouldn’t let it go. Last week was all about God bringing me to full surrender.
I was super convicted because I didn’t really think that I had been counting everything else as loss compared to Christ and I really desired to! I wanted so badly to be able to say, “okay Lord You are enough for me and if I have nothing else in the world, knowing I have You will satisfy me and I’m okay with that.” I wanted to be able to look at all other things in the world as rubbish compared to Christ! I wanted to be a true knower and lover of Christ completely surrendered and willing to go wherever or do whatever God asked of me.
I can declare right now that God does indeed answered the prayers of a willing heart. Through conviction during class on Tuesday, more conviction on Wednesday, and the implanting of the unquenchable desire to know God first and foremost in my life on Thursday I was able to completely surrender that one thing to God that only days before I had been holding so tightly to and unable to give up!
God showed me that I was still living partially for my own kingdom and not fully sold out to Him and His Kingdom. I realized that even after I gave my life to Christ one and a half years ago I was still unintentionally living my life like this was all that there was. I was living like it was more important to pursue my own happiness and pleasures over God. I had the mindset of, well this world is quickly passing I better make good of the time that I have here while I try to live for God. I didn’t mean to, and I was unaware of it really until it was brought to light this past week and a half but God broke me of that!
Now I have a freedom that I didn’t have before. I feel like I am able to focus my heart and mind on God and not worry about anything else but His plan for my life. Before I hadn’t been trusting Him with the things I so deeply desired and that’s why I wasn’t giving them up. Now I can trust completely in Him and know that whatever this life brings at me He will always be there. I remember listening to Ben's, a man in my class, testimony and he shared that there was nothing in this world that he held onto, that if he died the next day that would be good. I realized I desired that mindset because I had been living life clinging to the things I wanted in my future and so I was at a point where I don’t know if I would have been okay to die the next day. Now I realize I need to live for this day and look for ways that God wants to move today and not in one week, one month, or one year from now! I had to realize that anything God gives me in this world is a blessing but its not a guarantee and I shouldn’t demand to have it and I need to live with the knowledge that my days are numbered and I have a cause that is greater than myself that I need to be living for! I have had a big transformation of priorities and God is back on the throne of my heart! It feels good!
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