The Heart of Worship

This weekend I was blessed enough to be able to go on the second annual beach retreat with my small group girls! It was such an amazingly blessed time! One of the things that I love the most was our worship sessions that we had throughout the weekend! Eva brought all of her instruments which included her guitar, djembe, egg shaker, and tambourine. All six of us got to worship the Lord with instruments and singing in all sorts of places: In the car, walking down the street, in the living room of the beach house, in the hot tub, on the seashore, in the crashing waves, in the morning, in the middle of the day, at sunset, in the dead of night. I thoroughly enjoyed how worship was the center of our retreat.

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{Eva taught me how to play the Djembe and now I want one of my own! Or a cajon... I like playing the drums so I think that is going to be my next big adventure!}

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I love these girls! For two years we've been in a small group together and on the last night of our retreat we shared with one another some of the ways that God has matured us these past two years. One of the biggest things I came away with was just the awe-struck-ness (yes, I made up a word) of how awesome God is and how apparent it was that He wanted us all to come together and be friends! It blows my mind how He worked to bring us together and there is no doubt in my mind that this was what He wanted.

It's crazy to think that next year is going to look so different than this year! I'm hoping to be a small group leader next year, and maybe Alexis and Eva too! Julia and Tera are graduating from OSU and on to the "real world" or wherever God leads them be it School of Ministry (cross your fingers!) or the work-force, and then Ali is going to be in nursing school! Our lives are going to be different but we'll still be friends! God used these two years to grow us up in radical ways preparing us for what's to come and I know that we're going to be ready to embrace whatever He throws at us!

Sisters in Christ! Friends Forever!

Are you worthy?

These past three weeks I have been blessed to be able to go out onto the OSU campus and evangelize with different people and it has been an amazing growing experience. I used to always desire to share the gospel with people but I never knew how to and I was fearful that I would do it wrong somehow and make it so that whomever I talked to ended up turning away from and rejecting God forever. I think the thing that I needed most was just to have someone instruct me on what one form of evangelization looks like. Im the kind of person who wont do something until I have an idea of what Im supposed to do because I fear that I'll do it wrong. I just needed instruction! Lucky for me on the first day back to school from Spring Break Dan Nelson came into our class and taught on evangelization. Just the thing I needed!

God has been teaching me so much since I've been sharing the gospel on campus and one of the biggest things He's been showing me is humility. Not really something that I enjoy learning about but definitely something that is so good to learn. Last Wednesday Tasha, Michelle and I went out onto campus without any materials to use to aid in preaching the gospel. The first few times I talked with people I used a survey as the ice breaker and then the "Four Spiritual Laws" booklet to help me stay on track when sharing the gospel. This last time however we had nothing to help us and we had nothing to use as an ice breaker. If you're introverted and intimidated like I can be then you'd probably be just as terrified as I was knowing I had to do it without any help. But was I really without help? Nope, thankfully Jesus left us with the Holy Spirit as our Counselor!

To be completely honest I didn't even get far enough to share the gospel when talking to different students on campus. I did however get laughed at by two girls and had to endure people looking at me like I was insane. It was humbling to have an understanding of what those people were thinking about me because not too long ago I had been a nonbeliever who mocked Christians and Evangelists thinking that they were off of their rocker. I knew what they were thinking; and hearing the shrill laughter surround the Library Quad as Tasha and I walked away from our attempt at sharing the Truth with two girls, that was humbling. As I was reading through 1 Corinthians I found comfort in what Paul wrote about the Spirit of God and His role in discerning truth. Paul wrote, "We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught be the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned" (1 Corinthians 12-14). The reason for why those who are without the Spirit of God do not understand the Word of God, and why they don't accept it. Remembering this it is much easier to shrug off the crazy looks I can get from people while speaking Truth to them and it also gives me more sensitivity and compassion for those who call the gospel foolishness. They cannot discern the spiritual things because they are without the Spirit of God.

I had started to beat myself up over what I had and had not said to those girls when Tasha promptly gave me a verbal slap in the face that was much needed. It's not about what I say or how I look while I say it, rather it's about God's glory. I've said it many times before and I'll say it again because it is so true, it's always important to remember that this life is about glorifying God even if that means making myself look like a fool! Only after my poor, poor selfish ego had licked its wounds, I was able to realize that I should be rejoicing because I was laughed at!

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name."   Acts 5:41

I never before understood how anyone could rejoice because they had suffered disgrace. I wanted to so badly to be able to rejoice but I never thought that I could. Only after I had been laughed at did I understand better what that meant. It is so amazing to realize that you've been counted worthy to suffer disgrace! Praise Jesus when you're persecuted! You're counted worthy! I think I remember someone saying that once they go for a while without facing any persecution they begin to wonder what's wrong because living in this world following Jesus Christ you will  be persecuted and mocked and spit on. Jesus was. He even said, "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, and persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they 
persecuted the prophets who were before you."  Matthew 5: 10-12. Don't you want to live a life so completely sold out to Jesus that you are counted worthy to be persecuted for His Name?! I don't mean that we go searching for persecution but it's because our lives are so different from what the world says is "normal".

The most important thing to remember also is that it's not our job to save people, that's God's job. It's not our responsibility to change hearts, I think Ryan said that the thing that we're called to is faithfulness and obedience. We're blessed enough to be used by God in order to most clearly preach the gospel but it's God's job to save. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, "What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe- as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." (1 Corinthians 3:5-7) I love how Paul writes that neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything but only God! Somehow it is so comforting and wonderful to know that I am nothing and that the work is all on God's shoulders! It takes such a weight off knowing that it's God's job. And it's great to realize that the Holy Spirit is already working on peoples hearts and it's His job to convict people and pursue people. Again, we're just called to be obedient and speak the words of truth.

I also love how in 1 Corinthians Paul shows just how inadequate he was at preaching the gospel to the Corinthians. He said, "When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you in the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power" (1 Corinthians 2:1-5). In our weakness God is glorified. When we're preaching the gospel it's not so that we can look wise and it has nothing to do with how persuasive we are with our argument for Christ. We don't need to defend God. We're not selling a product, we're speaking the truth. Paul went to them with fear and trembling and in his weakness and God's power was demonstrated. God's looking for people who are willing to go out for him, not because they're wise and persuasive but because they're willing to be used amidst their inadequacies so that God can receive glory!

It is definitely clear to me that by stepping out in faith and stepping out of my comfort zone God meets me where I'm at. That's one thing God has been teaching me these past few weeks, if I make one step forward He'll meet me. As far as I can go He'll go the rest of the way but I need to put some effort into acting on what He's called me to do. We're not called to be passive Christians but to actively pursue a life of righteousness and actively live lives sold out for the Lord.

A man named Gary came into our class last week and he was talking about his ministry over in Europe. One of the things that he said that really stuck with me was, what are you willing to endure for a soul? How much are you willing to suffer being laughed at or made fun of in order to save a soul? Would you be willing to be laughed at, spit on, and mocked 50 times? Would it be worth it all if the 51st person you talked to wanted to accept Christ?

Paul said that on the Day when all things will be brought to light the work of each man will be shown for what it is, "and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames" (1 Corinthians 3:14-15). We only get one chance at this life and our days are numbered. What are you going to live them for? What are you going to build while you're on this earth? Will you build that which perishes in the fire or will you build what survives the fire, the imperishable? What are you willing to endure for a soul? How much is too much? What are you willing to sacrifice? Is it worth it to be laughed at 50 times if the 51st person is saved?

Florida, Spring Break 2010

This Spring Break I was blessed to be able to spend 10 days in Florida with my mom and dad and we had a LOT of fun! We went to the Everglades, the Florida Keys, and then we ended in Orlando and went to Disney World for two days! It was a lot of fun and I went to a lot of places that I have never been before! It was great!

It was windy and cloudy our first day there but that was okay because it was still warmer than Oregon weather! The everglades were pretty cool we saw lost of alligators and birds and turtles and we even saw a crocodile but no panthers. It was quite exciting! The entire time though we were afraid that we would have a run in with a burmese python or a monator lizard which are alien species in Florida and they have run-ins with humans which I was not excited about but, praise the Lord, we never saw one!

We went on an airboat ride and I got to drive... that was interesting I managed to spin us around 360 degrees hahaha cause I'm an awesome driver like that ;) Our captain, Captain Jearl (funny name huh?) fed an alligator from the side of the boat, that was scary! The gator was jumping up trying to get fish out of his hand... not something you get to see every day in the wild! It was a lot of fun!

After the everglades we went to the Florida Keys which was sunny and beachy and I really enjoyed it! I didn't particularly enjoy Key West (on Duvall Stree) simply because there was a lot of drinking and partying and just lots of immoral things and that was unfortunate but we took a day trip to Dry Tortugas and that was a lot of fun! (Can you tell I had fun?!) We toured the giant fort which is the second largest brick structure in the world,  second behind the Great Wall of China.

After the Keys we drove back up and stayed in Miami for a night before going to Orlando. In Miami my dad got in trouble, by my mom, for draving like a mad man! haha That was funny... It was a short stay and then we went to Disney World!

I was excited for Disney World because we were staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge! My mom got a really discounted price otherwise there is no way we would ever be able to afford to stay there... It's African themed and we were lucky enough to have a free upgrade to a Savannah view where we could watch the animals roaming around from our hotel room! I thoroughly enjoyed that! Nothing like waking up and looking at Giraffes and antelopes!

Our last night in Florida the thunderstorms started rolling in and while my family and I were making our way from the park to our car aboard the ferry the rain started pouring down! Then the wind picked up, the lightning flashed across the sky and our ferry almost tipped over. I didn't know that until later my dad told me how close we were to capsizing, I was too enthralled with a large group of band kids who were at the park (I think there was a competition going on somewhere because there were TONS of high school bands roaming around). At this particular moment they all started dramatically screaming and, no joke, it was like the scene right out of "War of the Worlds" when everyone is panicking on the ferry boat! It amused me. Unfortunately it was raining super hard and within seconds of running towards our car we were drenched. It was a memorable moment though and luckily the next day the storm had ceased and our flight home was wonderfully smooth (I hate flying so that was good).

For a long time before I left on my Spring Break vacation I had been praying about my fear of flying. I know that fear is not from God and I also knew that if I asked and believed that God could take away that fear. It was really cool because I just felt at ease on the flight to Florida and I knew that God had calmed my nerves! On the way back I had started to worry again and it was awesome because I was trying to calm myself and then the Lord brought this verse to my mind Matthew 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" That was exactly what I needed at the moment in time and I am so greatful for that!

Why do we worry?! It's so pointless! God has a plan for us and nothing is out of His control and if we trust Him then we shouldn't worry because we know that we're safe in His arms (like the Phil Wickham song! -- You can bet I listened to that a couple of times on the flight) the other verse that kept coming to my mind Psalm 139:7-10 "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." There is no place we can go where God isn't there! That was so comforting to me!

I also found comfort in the Evan Wickham song, "Heavenlies"  because it made me remember that there is no reason for me to worry because even if the plane happened to crash and I burned I'd be going to see Jesus and as the songs chorus goes "I'm living for the Heavenlies when all of you is all I see" that's what Im living for! No need to worry! :)

During my vacation I also meditated on the verse from 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." This was a particularly impacting verse because it's important to remember that even amidst suffering God is still with us! He is waiting and after a little while He Himself will restore us! It's so comforting to remember when you're going through trials! Praise Jesus!

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New Beginning

I started up again cause Alexis and Eva have blogs and I decided that I should continue mine! :)

I have LOTS I could write about but alas Im heading off to Florida very soon so I will save that for later. I guess now I'll just say Im digging this song right now:

I guess also a topic I feel led to write about is prayer. What about prayer?! Do you pray?! Do you know the power that you have with prayer?!... What do you pray about?!

The other day I was reading through my missions book and I came upon a passage that really stuck out to me. It was discussing Nehemiah and his passion for prayer it said:

"The passion of his [Nehemiah's] prayer is even more important than his petition. Three aspects of his passion in prayer worth noting are:

• Zeal for the glory of God
• love for his people
• counting his own life as nothing

Nehemiah reminded God of His promise to gather His people from all over the world to worship His name openly (Nehemiah 1:8-9). Zeal for the glory and name of Jesus should also be our motivation. For how many of us is this true? Do we pray for the glory of God's name, or do we pray only for ourselves?"


I was super convicted when I read the last part of this passage because I realized that a lot of times my prayers are so self-centered! I'm always asking God for direction in my life, for the furtherance of my dreams and my desires and my passions but I forget sometimes to think about God and His dreams and His passions and His desires! I want my life to glorify God and I always ask God for that when I pray but even amongst that I feel that I could definitely pray more for God's glory.

I have had a strong desire placed on my heart to pray for the glory of God's name! What does that look like? I'm not 100% sure but I know that a way to start is by setting aside prayer times to pray for the furtherance of God's kingdom in the city I live in, on the college campus in my town, in the hearts of the believers at my church, for Christian organizations who're being the hands and feet of Jesus, for missionaries throughout the world who are working for God's kingdom and sacrificing their lives for God's name every day! There are lots of things that you can pray for when you start to look on a larger scale rather than me, myself and I.

Maybe the reason why I don't pray that often on a bigger scale for God's name to be glorified is because it's so hard to grasp just how effective our prayers are! Prayer is so powerful and it is so important to be constantly covering people in prayer believing that your prayers will be answered! Not just praying for yourself but for people around you! Your brothers and sisters in Christ! Your elders, pastors, leaders, friends! Even your enemies and adversaries! Whoever it might be praying for others and for the glory of God's name is a wonderful thing! It's amazing to see the fruit of those prayers as well. You may not think that your prayers are really helping, but they are. You never know when someone is in desperate need of a touch from the Father and maybe your asking is just the thing that gives the answer they so desire.

On this note, if you feel like praying for an organization I would recommend the Options Pregnancy Resource Centers. A couple of weeks back I got a flier in my church bulletin for this organization.

"Every pregnant teen, every unborn child, every broken woman with an abortion in her past, every frightened kid who finds out he's a father is loved by the Creator. Each one has inestimable value and needs to know the love and mercy of Jesus Christ."

Options Pregnancy Resource Centers 
"our desire is to be His [Jesus'] hands and feet to all who come through our doors. We reach out to those in need offering free pregnancy test and ultrasounds. We provide accurate information about pregnancy options, support and community referrals."

The man who talked about this organization said that covering the center in prayer is very important especially for the interactions at the counseling sessions. Pray for the counselors who are speaking with the women and also for the women who are getting counseling. Pray in the power that Jesus gives us knowing that when we ask in his name it will be answered. Maybe even now for five minutes (or more if you want) pray selflessly for the glory of God's name and for anyone else that God may put on your mind! :)

Choices

God has definitely been showing me that in this life we do indeed have choices. In particular I have once again been pondering the future this time it's about my college degree and which major I should pursue. Basically, I think that I have exhausted my list of majors like four times over continually cycling through the options always thinking that the current decision was the one God wanted me to pursue. Finally I have come to realize that I could choose any of the paths and it would be the right choice. There isn't one single "right path".

I guess the way that I see it is that there are multiple paths that are right and God gives us the choice as to which one we want to follow according to His will. I know that sometimes we can stray from the will of God if we make poor decisions and fall into sin but I think that inside the will of God there are many choices that we get to have in our life. We aren't robots God gives us the choice to love Him and He gives us choices throughout our entire life on earth!

Realizing this it definitely helps me with my decision for school. I was searching for the major that God wanted me to do when the whole time He was giving me the choice! I no longer have to worry about straying from Gods path for me because I'm at a fork in the road and either path is correct. It's like walking on a trail in the mountains. When you reach a fork in the road you can choose right or left but still be on the path, but when you leave the path and go off into the brush that's when you've truly strayed. Choosing pharmacy or teaching isn't straying from the path it's simply making a decision on where I want my life to go and continuing on in the will of God.

With all of that said I feel like I've come to a decision about which major I want to pursue in college: Math/Education double degree. I want to be a high school math teacher! For a long time I have wanted to be a high school math teacher, I love algebra, but I never really thought of it as anything I would really want to do, but I really do! My mother told me, wisely I might add, that I should just choose a major and stick with it. Constant flip flopping around is just a waste of money and time. Well I think I've made my decision. Teaching math seems like a good idea to me and I already have a lot of the lower division curriculum completed. If I take on math 253 course this spring I will be all set to start up my second year in the fall. It seems like perfect timing to me! I think I just might go for it!

Oh, also! I've been thinking about participating in a study abroad program with my college and have seriously been looking at going to Australia for a year!... We shall see how those events unfold.

UPDATE: Not gonna be a math teacher... on to Physics and Education!... oh boy...

Wedding Musings

I'm just extremely excited and proud to say that I get to be the Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding! You cannot imagine how excited I was when she told me that her boyfriend proposed to her!! I guess girls live their lives waiting for that moment when a man expresses his devotion to you by asking for your hand in marriage. I have always dreamed about that day, some people just get there a lot faster than others!

I am so excited for them! I just can't believe that my best friend is GETTING MARRIED! It seems so unreal because I feel like only yesterday we were day dreaming about the future and getting married and now the future is here! I didn't think it would come so fast!! But it did, and I am glad! They are perfect for each other and even before Matt asked for her hand in marriage I knew that they would get married. It's one of those feelings in the pit of your stomach that could maybe not be true but you know that deep, deep down inside it is 100% true. Well that feeling was correct because about a month and a half after I had it Matt proposed so there you go!

Now the preparation for the wedding begins! I can't wait until Becca is done with her term in college and she comes back home and we can do the full on planning! I am so excited for the day I can hardly contain it and I know that the feelings will only get stronger and stronger as the day approaches! I can't even begin to imagine the joy that she must be feeling and even the fear too because now she is going to be an adult! A full blown adult!

That's something I never thought would actually truly come either. I feel like you always looking towards your future but it always surprises you when you realize that the future you had been looking towards is actually the present! I'm an adult but Im still under the care of my parents so I not a real adult yet. I think that you become a real adult when you are finally 100% on your own making your own living and living your own life without your parents constant supervision. I haven't reached that place quite yet but it is coming soon.

Here are some of Matt and Becca's engagement photos taken by Christopher Ryan Photography:

 Becca is so incredibly Beautiful it is not even funny!

 

Thinking about the future and seeing how close it really is sometimes makes me excited for when it is my turn to take the leap. I know that some people become real adults while they're single and they stay single adults for a really long time until they finally find their "knight in shining armor". I can honestly say that I really hope that isn't me, but I have come to accept that it could be me. But I still hope it isn't.

But you see that is a good place to be: Content. Paul wrote, "...I I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phillipians 4:11-13). Paul wrote these words while he was in prison and it is so powerful to know that he found what it was to be content in all situations and continue to live for the Lord. I think that I need to work better at staying content where the Lord has me, which right now is being single, because He has me here for a reason. So often I find that I search for the things that I think will make me happy and fulfill all the desires of my heart but really the only one who can do that is God. He created us with emptiness inside that can only be filled by Him and it's pointless for us to search out other things to fill that void. For a time those things we reach for are pleasurable but in the end they leave us empty. Contentment and true joy and happiness only comes from God.

So I guess that's where my musings come full circle. While I could turn the joy of Becca getting married into a pity party for myself I wont. I think that it is disrespectful to God when we complain about the place that He has us in life. He knows what's best for us and all the things that He puts us through, all the time He has us wait, it's all for a reason. And He loves us more than anyone else in the entire UNIVERSE! He only wants to love us and bless us and sometimes we can't see the blessing of things until we are looking back at them. Only then do we realize exactly what God had been doing through that time and we rejoice for all that He accomplished!

I am so amazed by God and the great things that He has been doing in my life. He has been creating in me a heart of complete and total surrender. For so long I held onto things that I thought would make my life happy. I distrusted God by holding onto those things and trying to work them out on my own when the whole time He was waiting for me to give them to Him so that He could work in my life. I was hindering the things that God wanted to do in my life and only when I cried out to Him for help, only when I got to the end of myself and didn't know how to continue on in my own wisdom did God shed light on the situation and release me from the things that were holding me back.

A band called Run Kid Run has a song titled "Freedom" and the lyrics say: All my chains I can't disengage no longer bound but here I stay. I scream "Father, please! I need rescuing! I need You and You alone" those lyrics are so powerful because that was my life. I was still living bound by chains that really had no control over me but I returned to them and allowed them to hold me back all the while being freed from them because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I feel like so often we can continue to be controlled by fleshly desires and sin even though we have complete forgiveness and relief from it!

It's so wonderful though that God is always waiting patiently for us no matter how many times we stray away from Him! I can't even begin to comprehend that! I think of how many times I've rejected God, not really intentionally but it is rejection none-the-less, but God waits for us and He loves to bless us all the time! He wants to bless us! He doesn't need us, but He wants us! That is something to dwell on always! God is so wonderful and His love is like no other love on this earth! Just thinking about that makes it easy, easy, easy to sit here single and be happy, be content, and be completely in love with Him.

Praise!

I just want to say that I love how God prepares us for things before they happen! That has always been something that I really appreciate and I love that God loves us enough to equip us for the things that He is going to put us through. One of my favorites quotes is, "God wont bring us to something He can't carry us through"

This weekend was really tough for me with just thoughts and stuff and at the time I could not see how any of it could be good I just had to tell myself that it was going to be okay and that God had a reason for all the things He does. Then, hindsight being 20/20, I realized why God put me through it! It is so true that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) because something happened today and because God had prepared my heart beforehand I was able to accept it without being hurt! I realized that the small amount of pain I had experienced this weekend was only so that I would be saved from excruciating heartache today and now I still have hope where, if God hadn't prepared my heart, I would have been left hopeless and heart broken. God is good!

So often when we're going through something hard it's easy to curse God for it or question why it is happening but God's thoughts are not our thoughts nor are His ways our ways and so we can't always see why He does things but I can say that Im glad He does things the way He does because my life would suck without Him! He prepares us and I am so glad for that!